Even if you live under a rock like I do, you probably couldn’t avoid hearing about Lady Gaga’s latest publicity stunt, the meat dress. Yes, that’s right, a dress made of meat. RAW meat. She wore this recently to an awards show, which lucky for her wasn’t a PETA ceremony or an ASPCA dog rescue fundraiser. In case any of youse kids were thinking of it, being Lady Gaga for Halloween in this outfit would be a bad idea. Really bad. Here are the top five reasons why not to where a Gaga meat dress:
1. E coli. E coli is bad, mmkay? It’s bad enough when you ingest it. Wearing it is not so much fun either. E coli of the nether regions would not be fun!
2. Bodily fluids that are not your own. Not even human, for that matter. Certain bodily fluids do not belong near certain bodily parts, unless you are weird or are Lady Gaga. That night, she changed her name to Lady Gag.
3. Rancid meat. This outfit may have been shockingly “raw” when first worn, but imagine how much fun it will be it will smell by the end of the night. Mmm, tasty. Where’s the bathroom? Can you say HURL, boys and girls?
4. Who let the dogs out? Don’t dare walk down the street wearing an outfit like this! Not unless you like being ripped to shreds by neighborhood dogs, dingos and wild banshees. Well, maybe you do. Do you want your dog biting into something like that? Didn’t think so.
5. Where’s the beef? Where’s the beef? (TM) is a phrase made popular by Clara Peller for Wendy’s. It was not meant to describe a woman(?) wearing barely dead animal meat. All night long people you will hear people say things like “where’s the beef?”, “beefcake” “since when did this turn into a meat market?”
6. Maggots. Maggots are disgusting in a trash can. They will be even more disgusting a)on you b) in your outfit c) around your house and places you’d never dreamed of for months to come d) all of the above.
Raw meat isn’t for halloween, ok boys and girls? Thanks! Now aren’t you glad you aren’t the stylist who had to deal with Gaga’s costume post-party?
Ps. yes, we know there are six reasons here. There are jillions in reality. Don’t do it!
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