Thief unable to flee with 75 lotion bottles in his pants

 crime, fail  Comments Off
Feb 072010
 

Stories like this one leave more questions than they do answers. Let’s see if you agree.

A Mass. man tried to snag 75 bottles of lotion from a Bath & Body works by stuffing them down his pants, but was unable to get away when the load made it nearly impossible to run. Police charged 30-year-old Chamil Guadarrama of Framingham with larceny after the incident in the Eastfield Mall.

Apparently mall security officers chased the man, but he had so many 8-0z lotion containers in his pants that he couldn’t run, and couldn’t even bend over to get in the police cruiser until some bottles were removed.

One begs to ask: What were store staffers doing during the time it would take a person to stuff SEVENTY!! bottles of anything down his pants? And why didn’t security just give the bottles back on the spot, instead of waiting until he was at the police cruiser? Then again, there were surely a lot more laughs to be had watching it all unfold. Security cam footage, anyone?

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 Posted by admin at 5:43 pm  Tagged with: ,

Geezer bandit strikes again

 crime  Comments Off
Jan 302010
 

A frail, elderly man who is suspected of robbing a San Diego bank this week is likely the same man responsible for robbing 5 other banks since August, the FBI states.

The man, wearing a white hoodie and ball cap, had a gun and got away with an unspecified amount of cash.

If this man is as frail as reports say, perhaps he has powers of invisibility or teleportation. Otherwise, why hasn’t he been caught?

Yeah, that must be it.. it costs a lot of money to develop a teleporter or time machine, so bank robbery must fund the research.

Um, whatever.

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 Posted by admin at 9:08 pm  Tagged with:

Robber’s weapon of choice: a fork

 crime, people, stupidity  Comments Off
Jan 282010
 

forklery

forklery

Police say a gas station in Hempsfield Township, PA was held up by a fork-wielding bandit. The suspect, Gino Conti, entered the Shell station, asking for a box of cigarettes. When the clerk turned around, Conti brandished a fork and demanded money. There apparently was no money to be had (perhaps the spoon and knife ran off with it already), so Conti took a box of cigarettes and left. Police caught Conti a short while later, charging him with assault and robbery.

No one was injured by the fork or otherwise.

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 Posted by admin at 1:44 pm  Tagged with:

Suspected car thief caught while playing Grand Theft Auto

 crime, stupidity  Comments Off
Jan 222010
 

ORLANDO, FL – Deputies found a suspected car thief playing “Grand Theft Auto” video game, and they later charged him with just that.

Polk County deputies investigating the theft of a 1998 Dodge Durango arrested 30-year-old Michael Ray Ekes on Thursday, when they found the SUV outside a home, and Ekes inside playing GTA. GTFO!

Ekes was charged with grand theft auto, burglary and drug possession. At the time of arrest, he was out of jail on bond for another grand theft auto charge.

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 Posted by admin at 11:17 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Fake hooker arrests fake cop

 crime, fail, people, stupidity  1 Response »
Jan 212010
 

oops

oops


From the wonderful land of Detroit – detectives arrested a 51-year-old Detroit man who, posing as a police officer, told a detective dressed as a hooker to ‘get off the streets’ during a prostitution sting. The suspect told the detective-in-hooker-garb that he was a police
officer, scaring a way a man she was talking to. The suspect followed the costumed cop for a while, ranting that he was an officer, until she told him she was a cop. The man sped off but was found and arrested a short time later.

Perhaps this is like the teenagers dressed as ninjas who recently got into trouble taking the law into their own hands. (We must dig that story up; it’s a great one!) Merely impersonating an officer is a crime in itself. Perhaps next time he should dress as a superhero instead.

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 Posted by admin at 9:56 pm  Tagged with: , , ,

Wild elephants vandalize school in India

 animals, crime, education  Comments Off
Jan 182010
 

elephant angst

elephant angst

A herd street gang of wild elephants vandalized a school in Matkumdih, India last July.

The elephants trod to the school’s kitchen and ate most of the food allocated for student meals. Food didn’t seem to be the motive, though — they also smashed out doors and windows in multiple classrooms, shredded textbooks and ‘tagged’ some of the rooms with paint.

Perhaps some evil teenage genius found a way to control elephants remotely and wanted to get back at his school, hmm? Or perhaps an angry call center employee was behind it.

Then again, maybe it was just a severe case of elephant angst. Being a teenage elephant sucks, you know.

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 Posted by admin at 8:03 pm  Tagged with: , , , ,

Thieves scam Utah out of $2M! Doh!

 crime, government  Comments Off
Feb 162009
 

Online thieves scammed the state out of more than $2 million until a bank questioned the “unusually high” level of activity.

ars technica reports this as a take on one of those Nigerian schemes, although really, it’s more a scam of dishonesty and people not paying attention to invoices. Probably one of the oldest tricks in the books.

Scammers found a way to set themselves up as various types of contractors and bill the state for work never done.

Hmm, in retrospect, kinda sounds like a lot of the miscellaneous charges we receive from cable and phone companies all the time. Hmmmmmmmmmm….

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 Posted by admin at 2:53 pm  Tagged with: ,
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